233 days ago, the 2023 college football season had its final curtain call when we witnessed Jim Harbaugh will/cheat his way to the summit, only to decide afterwards that he'd rather live in a RV down by the L.A. shore than face the repercussions of his actions. Since then, it's been a pretty mellow offseason other than the following:
A record ~4,000 players hit the portal
A former St. Xavier swimmer (Sko Bombers) sued the NCAA, leading to a $2.8 Billion settlement and an agreement for a future revenue share with athletes
The greatest college football coach decided to swap out his play sheet for a Sumatriptan prescription and seat next to Pat McAfee on College Gameday
Boeing had to leave two astronauts in space but sees no issue with conference realignment and teams like Cal having to travel 10,329 miles cross-country on their planes (if I mysteriously die, the suicide note is not mine)
A new college football game was released after 11-years, generating over $500 million in sales. The much anticipated game cover featured a running back who ran for nine more yards than myself vs. UNLV on six more carries
A new bar called Hogs and Honeys opened in Fayetteville, Arkansas, shortly after Bobby Petrino's reappearance
The Vice President of the United States apparently consulted Brian Kelly to better understand how he developed a southern accent in record time
Jimbo Fisher received a $77 million dollar buyout and still can't afford a gym membership other than Planet Fitness in today's economy
So you might be asking what I've been doing over these 233-days? Other than convincing LSU faculty that I'm a world-record holder and was once described as an up-and-coming blogger [in the Watermark at Steele Crossing Apartment complex], I've been thinking about the duality that college football exhibits, and how I expect this year to be no different. After taking the liberty of my unemployment (both time and government money) to analyze all 134 College Football D1 FBS teams, I'm finally convinced that this season will provide us a plethora of diametrical events. The blend of these contradictions are what make College Football the most beautifully frustrating league in the world. Watching Wisconsin's stadium play "Jump Around" at noon followed by Cal playing @ FSU in a conference matchup all the while nurturing your feeble body with college-football branded bud lights and 6mg Zyns will evoke a wider spectrum of emotions than having to walk your daughter down the aisle to her unemployed boyfriend. It's also a sport that displays the widest duality. What do I mean by this? For instance, the D1 FBS league that has 134 current teams is also the same league where:
A head coach can make $13 million a year (Kirby Smart) or $365,000 a year (Bryant Vincent)
Players from the #1 team (Georgia) or #134 team (Kennesaw State) can call themselves D1 athletes
Journalists who can cover this league for a living range from The Action Network's Brett McMurphy (A+ rating) to the insufferable Ari Wasserman at The Athletic
I can receive media credentials to the Reese's & East-West Shrine Bowl events but get left on read when applying for SEC Media Credentials
My typical return on views equals an hour a view, but Taylor Mathis can average ~6,667 views per bounce (1.4 million views average / 70 second video average X 3 bounces per second at 3.2 mph average)
Find me another league that displays this discrepancy.
Putting my rant to the side, I have created a brand new 2024 excel sheet (downloadable at the top) which I refer to as "Daddy's Pantry". Within this pantry, you will find a completely restocked analysis on all 134 teams that will give you an edge when betting or allow you to channel your inner Dustin Hoffman and be able to autistically explain Mike Denbrock's career trajectory to the bartender this weekend. Heck, there's even a vlookup function in the document in case you weren't sure that I am an I-Core survivor. As a recap of the excel, you will find the following information:
Playoff predictions
Heisman predictions
Coach firing predictions
Favorite Over/Under Win Totals
Individual Team Coaches, Returning Production
Individual Team Recruiting and Transfer Rankings
Individual Team Stats, Names & Games to know
Individual Team Media Predictions
Fat Curry's Over/Under Prediction for Individual Teams
Fat Curry's Conference Standing Prediction for Individual Teams
Fat Curry's Conference Championship & National Championship Bets for Individual Teams
Lastly, since we are finally one business day away from the Week 1 college football slate, I am going to add my Week 1 thoughts below. For those who are new, I break down my picks into a Lock of the Week (LoW), a Dog of the Week (DoW), a Triple L (Lookahead Letdown Lock of The Week), three standard spread bets and an Over/Under play.
Here is to yours in College Football finally being back and James Franklin being one-year closer to being fired,
Fat Curry / Big Daddy
For a copy of the excel, feel free to either download the sheet at the top of the article or email fatcurrybets@gmail.com.
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BIG DADDY Week 1 Picks:
LoW (Lock of the week - 2 units): Nebraska (-27.5) vs. UTEP
DoW (Dog of the week - 1 unit on points and 1 unit on ML): Notre Dame (+3, +125) @ TAMU
Triple L (+7 or greater dog to win outright - 1/3 unit on ML): Nichols State (+250) @ LA Tech
Game #1 (1 unit): Pitt (-24.5) vs. Kent State
Game #2 (1 unit): Iowa (-22.5) vs. Illinois State
Game #3 (1 unit): FAU (+14) @ Michigan State
Game #4 (1 unit): UCF (-41.5) vs. New Hampshire
Game #5 (1 unit): Eastern Michigan (+2.5) @ UMass
Game #6 (1 unit): JMU (-8.5) @ Charlotte
Over/Under Points (1 unit): Texas State vs. Lamar (Over 60.5)
Honorable Mentions (not betting but worth consideration):
Jacksonville State (-3) vs. Coastal Carolina
Western Michigan (+14) @ Wisconsin
Stanford (+9.5) vs. TCU
Penn State (-8) @ WVU
Georgia Southern (+13) vs. Boise State
South Alabama (-5) @ North Texas
UNLV (+2.5) @ Houston
Wyoming (+6) @ ASU
Rice (-10) vs. Sam Houston State
Kentucky (-28) vs. Southern Miss
Jackson State (+8) @ ULM
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